Reverb 10 - 5 Minutes

Prompt: 5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010

Bad news, Darling, you’re losing your mind!  So, like Lucy Whitmore in the movie 50 First Dates, here are things you’ve got to remember about 2010 …

Remember:  You got out of town, Girl!  Whipping down a ski slope on the top of a mountain and realizing you really can still ski.  The views from the top of the mountain.  Waking up on the ski bus in the middle of the night one the way home, looking out the front window, and realizing the bus driver can’t see diddly because of all the fog ... it’s a weird feeling hurtling through the Kansas night at 60 miles an hour with visibility exactly the distance of your head lights.

Remember:  Your first cruise.  Being on deck at midnight with the winds strong enough to hold you up if you try to fall over.  Snorkling in Cozumel and three of the family barfing from the rough seas.  Sitting on the balcony and watching the sunrise over Mexico.  Formal dinners that the kids actually enjoyed.  

Remember:  Your number one activity .. Spectating!   Cross Country, Track, Volleyball, Swimming .. you were there for all of it, watching your kids develop into athletes and closer to adulthood.  Plus, you got the added bonus of hanging out with your friends while you watched!

Remember:  Letting go.  Jason went away for 9 weeks of summer camp and that was hard for both of us, but it was absolutely the right thing for him.  Jason and James started driving and now they’re off, running their own lives.  Jenna moved to middle school and with that switch came, blessing of all blessings, a school bus.  Now she’s off on her own too.

Remember:  Joe .. Although he was gone a lot this year for his work, we spent a lot of time together.    We manage to squeeze a lot of living into those weekly three day weekends.    His bad jokes, his bad driving, and all the great dinners he’s cooked for us.   Hanging out in Lawrence, checking out the art fairs, going to the theater, dinner with friends.  Watching, together, our children pass those little milestones and marveling at how fabulous they are.

Remember:  Hospitalizations.  Four gallbladder surgeries in the extended family this year.  What’s with that?

Remember:   Friends.  The lunches, walks, and coffees with all my favorite women.  These smart, well-read, funny women inspire me to always work towards making myself and my life better, and they make me laugh along the way.  I’m so blessed to have people in my life who “get” me.

Reverb 10 - Appreciate

Prompt: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?


If you're only appreciating one thing you're not trying hard enough!  As we wrap up 2010, here's my short-list of ten:

1. A husband who works hard so that I don't have to.
2. A new car this year!  With XM radio
3. Happy, healthy kids.
4. A professional, part-time job I love. 
5. Friends.  They make life fun and inspire me.
6. Good books.  But never bad ones.
7. Good movies.  Even some bad ones.
8. Mexican food.  Could it eat every day!
9. Technology.  Wouldn't be an accountant without it!
10. Clothes Washers. I may hate doing laundry, but can you imagine doing it by hand?

Reverb 10 - 11 Things

Prompt: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

My first response to this question was “Not much!  My life is pretty sweet as it is.”  Then I looked up from my comfy chair by the fireplace and saw item #1, Clutter.   OK, right, my life may be sweet but it isn’t perfect.  So here goes …

1.            Clutter.  A house with dishes on the counter, backpacks on the table, shoes on the floor.  With four kids (yes, I am counting my husband as a kid here), I am often the only one who takes care of the messes of daily life.  I resent it and so I don’t always keep up with it.  Over the years I’ve tried every method imaginable to bring order to my house and I’ve learned one thing:  It’s up to me.  If clutter is to leave my life, it will be me who banishes it.

2.            Resentment.  OK, I resent the clutter.   I resent unfairness.  I resent when I do more than my share.  I resent people who use cell phones and drive.  Resentment is a waste of my time.

3.            Fast Food.   It is oh so bad for you, right?  We all know it.  And yet my guilty pleasure is Taco Bell on my lunch break or Arby’s with my kids.   The only way to get past this one is through better meal planning and an iron will.

4.            Store-room stuff.   Only 50% of what’s in my store room is stuff we need to keep.  The rest could go and if it did, the storeroom could be orderly rather than overflowing.  I wither up inside when I have to open that door to retrieve a suit case or seasonal decorations.  It’s a job that must be done sometime in 2011.

5.            Waiting.  Sometimes in life you must wait.  Stoplights and checkout lines come to mind.  I’m talking about waiting for “something” to happen.  Waiting for the rest of my life to show up.   It’s time to go out and grab life by the horns and take a wild ride.  

6.            Catering to other people’s feelings.   I do this way too much.  I think of it as tempering the situation .. I adjust how I act to ease the way.  I won’t go so far as to be a push-over, but I do find myself catering to people who are angry, upset, or crabby for no good reason.  Gotta stop doing that.

7.            Sloth.  An object at rest tends to stay at rest.  I like to sit.  I must find more ways to get up and move.

8.            Web-Wasting.  Know how sometimes you’re checking up on Facebook or reading some great article you found on Slate, or digging something from Digg?  During those times, I don’t always engage in the family life around me.  I’m irritated somebody wants to talk to me and pull me out of my little cyber-world.    Even if nobody wants to engage in a little real-world interaction with me, sometimes I take it too far and spend hours upon hours getting my fix.  This is becoming an addiction that does not improve my life.

9.            Cussing.   My soon-to-be thirteen year old daughter likes to gently punch me in the harm every time I say all those great words that start with S, F, and H.  If she didn’t do that, I would say I don’t cuss, but the proof is in her knuckles.  

10.          Weight.  I’d like to leave behind a few pounds in 2011.  #3 and #7 will help with that.  

11.          Hoodies.   I do adore my hoodies.  I have them from Disney World, San Diego, Winter Park, Breckenridge, Vail, KU, the high school.  They are so cozy and warm and I love having that pouch on the front to keep my phone or my keys.   The thing is, they are a fashion nightmare.   I have begun an internal campaign to wear my hoodies only at home.  So far, I’m doing better, but I still cheat on weekend ..

Reverb 10 - Wisdom

Prompt: Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

Parenting can feel like a final exam you forgot to study for.  When they’re little you read all the great books “What to Expect the First Year” and “Touchpoints” by T. Berry Brazelton  and you feel like you’re a good parent and you know what to do.  The infant won’t sleep, the one year old bites people, the two year old won’t eat vegetables .. to all of these, I know the answer!  I am wise!

As they get older, the problems become more challenging because the cute little baby with simple needs has turned into a person with a personality and agenda of their own.  One teacher once described her fifth graders as “Inexperienced Adults”  and that is exactly what they are.  They can make decisions and think independently, the only problem is they’re coming at it with exactly NO track history.  Add to that, their brains aren’t fully developed, they’re narcissistic, and, in the case of my son, they’re risk takers.  Being a wise parent just becomes harder.

I love my son Jason in a way I never thought possible before I had children.  Yet this one child, out the three I am raising, is the only one who has made me cry.  Oh, he has made me cry many times.  Tears of frustration, even tears of rage.   The same charming boy has made me laugh a hundred times for each tear I shed.   This boy has pushed and challenged me as a parent, forced me to find new ways to be a parent at every turn.

I first heard from his teachers about his behavior in second grade, and like a rising tide, the calls kept coming over the years, with more frequency.   We peaked this past spring when I was awoken by a call at 12:30am on a Tuesday morning.  It was the police, calling to inform me they had just pulled over my fifteen year old for joy-riding! (No, he has no license, he has no car.  Yes, he was sneaking out.  No, he’ll never see THAT friend again!)  This required more of me as a parent than I had ever had to bring forth.  

This kid has spent the year working with a counselor, and with us as parents, to get a handle on why he does things a rational adult would consider “STUPID”.   (Stupid, by the way, is one of my favorite words to use about him when talking about him to my friends, right after I call him Brilliant.)  He made great strides during the course of the year (joy ride aside) and it was obvious how he was tailoring himself into a different person.

So here comes the wisdom.  He came home one day at the end of the school year and said “Mom, I think I want to go be on staff at Boy Scout camp this summer.  Can I?”  He’s fifteen.  He would be gone for eight weeks.  My son, this boy who finds trouble, takes risks, and puts fun above all things, wants to go live in a cabin with other teens for the summer, work all day teaching boys to shoot arrows?  I knew the scouts would require much out of him on the job and as a leader, but I also knew that he would have lots of unsupervised time in the staff area.   Could he stay out of trouble or would he be fired and I would pick him up before the summer was over?  Could he stay focused enough to keep the 11 year old scouts from shooting each other with arrows?  Would the experience of being a leader help him grow into a better man?  Would separating from me for two months help him make better decisions for himself?  As a mother, was I read to let of this vibrant kid for awhile?  My mind whirled with all these questions, it weighed the risks and the rewards, all in a nano-second before I said “Yes, go apply”.    

Over that summer, the questions stayed with me and kept me company in his absence.  Within a week he was moved to life-guarding at the pool and I could stop worrying about arrows and start worrying about drowning.  We saw him several times over the summer on Sunday afternoons and it was clear that he was thriving.  When our own troop camped later in the summer, our leaders told me about the self-confidence they saw in my son and what a great job he was doing teaching the youth.

My son came home from that experience a new person.  Not only did he stay out of trouble, he learned so much about himself and what he wants out of his life that it was worth the risk.  I am so very glad that I said “YES” even while my heart was screaming “NO”.

Reverb 10 - Party

Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

Parties aren’t really my thing.  I’m always glad I went after I’ve been to one, but I almost always have to psych myself up to go when invited.   I guess my social needs trend more towards one-on-one events than parties.  In the past year I’ve missed a couple, either because of the conflicts of raising kids or because I just needed a quiet night at home with my family.

Tonight, though, was a party I really enjoyed.  The twelve women of my book group met at Ricco’s Italian Bistro for dinner.  Tonight was a rare night for us because all of us were present.  We’re in our seventh year together and this has become our holiday tradition.  December is the one time we don’t discuss books; instead we exchange them.  I had two glasses of the house merlot, a caesar salad to die for and a fabulous FETTUCCINE DIAVOLO that was just the right amount of spicy.    (I had intended to take my camera, but forgot, so no pictures.)

We had a slightly too small table for 12 by a big plate window looking out over a few Christmas lights and a dark night.  Over wine we talked about everything under the moon, having conversations and cross-conversations on a broad range of topics.  Books, jobs, triathlons, kids leaving for college & the associated pains for parents, whether to tell your kids there is no Santa Claus, and whether we should try having our husbands read a book and join us some month .. among other topics.

As a group, we are intelligent women who love to read and who like being talking about books.  While we sometimes struggle to find great books to read, we always have excellent discussions about the books and about so much more as well.  I love it when I see no redeeming value in a book, but after we discuss it I can see it in a new, more favorable light.  While we don’t see each other as a group outside our monthly meetings, our community is small and we run into each other a lot.  

After untold hours over the years talking about books, characters, big ideas, and little ideas you get to know each other in a deeper way.  I like knowing that Amy will always have a liberal take on whatever we read, Lisa will want to go into greater literary analysis, Tracy will be able to compare it to a host of other books, and Kandra will ALWAYS totally miss the sex in the book.  These women understand me, and better yet, they accept me as I am.   I am blessed to count myself one of them.

In case you’re wondering, the January selection is a our group’s first ever book of short stories called  “Sourland: Stories” by Joyce Carol Oates and for February we’re reading “Cutting for Stone” by Abraham Verghese.  Between reading those, we’ll all be trading around the books we exchanged tonight. 

Reverb 10 - Beautifully Different

Prompt: Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful.

I have put off making this post all day. The question has bugged me on a couple of levels. First the use of the word Beautiful which is not a word I would typically use to describe myself. Second, it calls for tooting your own horn which is something I’m allergic to. From the other Reverb 10 posts that I’ve read today, I’m not the only one that feels this way.

I’ve never considered myself to be somebody who lights people up. That job is always taken by somebody else, not me. So, that leaves me with reflecting on things that make me different. Ah ha! Something that rings true. Lord knows, I am a bit of an odd duck.

While other people get stymied by the puzzles of life, I often can see the way through to the desired outcome. I love bringing order to chaos. I’ve managed to turn that into a career as a nonprofit accountant. I love the way my mission-focused clients who don’t “get” accounting understand when I can explain it to them in lay terms. I like helping people cut through the clutter, identify the question (which many others find to be remarkably difficult) and help them find the most logical answer.

When I’m not busy clarifying the problem and solving it, I’m busy looking for efficiencies. Nothing drives me nuttier than wasted efforts. Some people like the status quo, but others love the results when I take a 5 step process and narrow it down to 2.

Is my inner-nerd showing yet? How about responsibility, my pet virtue. I will always do what is needed. Perhaps this is why my parents made me their executor, my sister gave me her medical power of attorney, friends call me when crisis strikes, and in ten years my kids never once got forgotten at school. (As an aside, it amazes me how many kids get “forgotten” at least once!)

None of these things look beautiful to me. Oh how I’d like to claim physical beauty, charitable works, a giving nature. Instead I get logical, rational and responsible. Practical, yes. Beautiful , no. And yet they are the things that make me different, and therefore beautiful in my own way.

Reverb 10 - Community

Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

I live in a suburb with a population of 200 thousand. The greater metro area has two million. I therefore find it rather amazing that I often find myself feeling like I live in a small town. I know a lot of people through church, my kids’ schools and sports teams, my book group, and my job. Each of these groups provides me with a sense of community. But the surprising place that I feel a part of a small town in my local Target SuperCenter.

Who doesn’t love Target? It’s just a mile from my house and I often find myself there a couple of times a week, darting in for an item to finish making dinner, a desperately needed school supply, or a prescription.

When I visit Target it is almost guaranteed that I’ll run into somebody I know. I’ve even run into people who live 20 or 30 minutes away. Drop by there at three thirty on any given afternoon you’ll have no idea our country has been in a recession. I’ve given up on running down there without makeup or in grungy clothes. I hate the feeling of running into one of the “together” women from my neighborhood in their current fashion clothes and their perfect hair-dos when I look like I just crawled out of the gutter.

I hear that men’s rooms have a strict eye-avoidance policy. The same hold true at Target, no eyeing each other’s junk ..only in our case, it’s in our shopping carts. It’s really impossible not to glance in as you stand in aisle three talking about last night’s swim meet. Do I have too much junk food? Is he making tacos tonight? Is she buying laxatives? Worse of all, don’t get caught buying new underwear when you run into the hunky sports coach!

We’re guilty of blocking the aisles with our carts as we discuss the latest rumors from the school, the next sporting event, or “where have you been hiding yourself?” We hear the three minute summary of what’s been going on in each other’s lives since we last had occasion to sit and chat. Vacations, remodels and new jobs get trotted out to be shown off, then you touch on how big the their kids have gotten and is Johnny driving yet? Then suddenly you realize you’re blocking the shopping traffic and you’re going to be late for carpool.

Next comes the awkward break-up. After catching up, you each have to go your own way. And yet you continue run in to each other as you weave through the dry-goods. Do you say “hi” again? Grin and giggle? Avert your eyes? What happens if you end up in adjacent check-out lines and your “junk” is now on display?

For all the introverted drawbacks, the whole thing makes you feel like you live in a small community and I love it.