Reverb 10 – Let Go

Prompt: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I let go of my youth. Sounds strange coming from a 42 year old, but really don’t we all feel 25 inside? And if we’re 25, we’re still young. I may have had blinders on, and perhaps I’m late to the party called “growing up”, but I’ve liked the status quo that dictated that mine was a young family, my parents were there to back me up, and aging is what happened to other people. What a shocker then, to open my eyes this year and see everything that has shifted around me over the last few years.

I’m surrounded by the babies of a new generation. While my daughter was the youngest of any family gathering for years, there’s a whole new crop of little girls (and one tiny boy) who mark a turning point. One of those little girls is my sister’s grand-daughter. My brother will be grandpa in the spring. My generation just took a big step up the ladder of life.

My body is betraying me. Those eyes I opened needed bi-focals this year. My doctor started adding new annual tests for the “over 40” population during my annual checkup. My knees creak in the morning and sometimes I find myself side-stepping down the stairs like my Grandma did.

My parents are approaching 70 and they each spent time in the hospital this year. It was first for me to sit by the beside of an aging parent and see that our time together might be limited. These are the strong people who raised me as a child, who advised me as a young adult, and now I find myself in the protective role of Concerned Adult Child.

While I still feel young, the rational side of me sees these changes around me and screams “Slow Down! You Move Too Fast”. I can’t look around and identify with those 25 years old among me. I feel more in common with the 50-somethings and even those who are older than that.

The good news is that while I find it shocking to see myself here, I really don’t mind. I don’t want to be that high school student, that young married, or even that young mother anymore. I’m happy to find myself on the down-hill side of motherhood. I’m so much more confident at 42 than I could have ever hoped to be at 22. And best of all, I know who I am now.

So, good-bye youth, it was great while it lasted. Middle-age turns out to be a great place to be.