Reverb 10 - Wisdom

Prompt: Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

Parenting can feel like a final exam you forgot to study for.  When they’re little you read all the great books “What to Expect the First Year” and “Touchpoints” by T. Berry Brazelton  and you feel like you’re a good parent and you know what to do.  The infant won’t sleep, the one year old bites people, the two year old won’t eat vegetables .. to all of these, I know the answer!  I am wise!

As they get older, the problems become more challenging because the cute little baby with simple needs has turned into a person with a personality and agenda of their own.  One teacher once described her fifth graders as “Inexperienced Adults”  and that is exactly what they are.  They can make decisions and think independently, the only problem is they’re coming at it with exactly NO track history.  Add to that, their brains aren’t fully developed, they’re narcissistic, and, in the case of my son, they’re risk takers.  Being a wise parent just becomes harder.

I love my son Jason in a way I never thought possible before I had children.  Yet this one child, out the three I am raising, is the only one who has made me cry.  Oh, he has made me cry many times.  Tears of frustration, even tears of rage.   The same charming boy has made me laugh a hundred times for each tear I shed.   This boy has pushed and challenged me as a parent, forced me to find new ways to be a parent at every turn.

I first heard from his teachers about his behavior in second grade, and like a rising tide, the calls kept coming over the years, with more frequency.   We peaked this past spring when I was awoken by a call at 12:30am on a Tuesday morning.  It was the police, calling to inform me they had just pulled over my fifteen year old for joy-riding! (No, he has no license, he has no car.  Yes, he was sneaking out.  No, he’ll never see THAT friend again!)  This required more of me as a parent than I had ever had to bring forth.  

This kid has spent the year working with a counselor, and with us as parents, to get a handle on why he does things a rational adult would consider “STUPID”.   (Stupid, by the way, is one of my favorite words to use about him when talking about him to my friends, right after I call him Brilliant.)  He made great strides during the course of the year (joy ride aside) and it was obvious how he was tailoring himself into a different person.

So here comes the wisdom.  He came home one day at the end of the school year and said “Mom, I think I want to go be on staff at Boy Scout camp this summer.  Can I?”  He’s fifteen.  He would be gone for eight weeks.  My son, this boy who finds trouble, takes risks, and puts fun above all things, wants to go live in a cabin with other teens for the summer, work all day teaching boys to shoot arrows?  I knew the scouts would require much out of him on the job and as a leader, but I also knew that he would have lots of unsupervised time in the staff area.   Could he stay out of trouble or would he be fired and I would pick him up before the summer was over?  Could he stay focused enough to keep the 11 year old scouts from shooting each other with arrows?  Would the experience of being a leader help him grow into a better man?  Would separating from me for two months help him make better decisions for himself?  As a mother, was I read to let of this vibrant kid for awhile?  My mind whirled with all these questions, it weighed the risks and the rewards, all in a nano-second before I said “Yes, go apply”.    

Over that summer, the questions stayed with me and kept me company in his absence.  Within a week he was moved to life-guarding at the pool and I could stop worrying about arrows and start worrying about drowning.  We saw him several times over the summer on Sunday afternoons and it was clear that he was thriving.  When our own troop camped later in the summer, our leaders told me about the self-confidence they saw in my son and what a great job he was doing teaching the youth.

My son came home from that experience a new person.  Not only did he stay out of trouble, he learned so much about himself and what he wants out of his life that it was worth the risk.  I am so very glad that I said “YES” even while my heart was screaming “NO”.